Emotional Baggage - Parenting Blocks Parent Should Demolish For Good Parenting Job

Emotional Baggage Affects Your Parenting Job

Is parenting a difficult job?
Are not doing a good parenting job?
Do you need the parental power to do a good parenting job?
If your answer is YES!
 Then this article is a must read For you from start to finish.
What differentiate a parent that is doing a good parenting job from a parent who doesn't is their Emotional Baggage and what also differentiate a well behaved and disciplined child from another is their emotional baggage.
What is emotional baggage?
It's the feelings and beliefs you have as a result of your past and the things that have happened to
you, which often have a negative effect on your behavior and attitudes.As human we all carry emotional baggage, but it turns out that some of us carry quite a bite more of it than others...is base on how we are brought up, what we've experienced and where we lived.Growing up is filled with all sorts of growing pains, it has been said that "No one escapes childhood unscathed" everyone suffers through terrible,difficult or even painful emotional experiences during childhood,adolescence and young adulthood.
Get this!
Am not writing to judge and ridicule you or your child but to point out the reason why you've not been doing a good parenting job and the mistakes most parents make,which is the cause of failure in parenting.
Let's be honest here...parenting is truly a hard job,we all took this big job when we had these kids and it's going to be a hard work for the rest of our life.Being a parent requires your blood,sweat and tears...it's emotionally charged.
Mind you,despite the hardship many parents are getting it right, many children are doing it right...if they can do it,you can do it too!
Understand this,parenting is also one of the most joyous thing that can happen to you in life.You just have to recognize the big job you are in and seek knowledge...learn and take action!
Parenting as a tough business is not a perfect science that can be mastered, but an act of responsibility, which outcome depends on what variables you put in and the techniques used, this seems to be tough for many parent.
So, what variables or techniques will you put in?
Here is the first,
Let go off your emotional baggage - As parent you have to take good care of the inside you.You have to be positive and disciplined first,you need to have love first!Parenting when you are carrying emotional baggage takes a certain intellect and an ordinate amount of internal strength
from you.You have to let go off past pain and negative feelings to be able to name and model positive behaviors in yourself and also the ones you seek in your child,
"what you have is what you will give" keeping uncontrolled and negative emotions are extremely painful and very debilitating.when a parent cannot manage their emotional baggage,the children are the ones that ultimately suffers,don't pass on the hurt and pains you are experiencing to your child.
Equip yourself - "The more experience or educated parents are,the better equipped they are to handle emotional stressors because they have larger reservoir of emotional intellect to pull from" As parent the more experience and knowledge you have the larger your arsenal for emotional and intellectual superiority over self serving emotional inclinations.So get books,read!
Get expert assistance - As parent maintaining the emotional and mental constancy is necessary.The act of talking about your problems with expert physicians or clergy is one of the most potent solutions to feelings of obscurity or helplessness.So,visit experts.
I believe this steps will help free you for good,
better and convenient parenting job.

Effective Parenting: How to Become a Better and an Insightful Parent - Learn How to Strike a Balance As a Child Caregiver?

By Anselm Anyoha

     Am so sure you want to become a better parent to children...Read this and i assure, you will be!

Every parent wants to be the best. This article will help you become a better and a more insightful parent. A well raised child is a win for the family and the society.

Parenting is challenging, especially to those who do not have earlier experience. There are cultural, social and geographical influences to styles of parenting. My experience, growing up in Nigeria, is that children tend to stay closer to families longer, compared to a western culture, like that of United States of America, where kids tend to assume independence at early age.

There are usually two main ways of raising children. One way, is to continuously control and safeguard them, and set cultural acceptable rules and standard of behavior. Parents who adopt this style run every facets of their kids life until way into their late teens, and perhaps into their early adult life.

This method of child nurturing is generational, and evolve from extended parental concern that their newborns are vulnerable to external factors and therefore need protection at all times. As such parents would never let their children venture out on their own until they have earned a certain level of maturity.

The downside to this technique is a tendency for over-parenting. Elements of over-parenting is seen when mothers or fathers wouldn't let their teenage children answer straightforward questions on their own. Excessive intrusion may create conflict between child and caregivers. Children who were excessively sheltered from direct life experience are often unprepared for expanded real life encounter.

The second style, the laissez-faire style, now trending, is for child caregivers to let their children slug to it out on their own, beginning at a very early age. These parents are brazen with their youngsters. You see some elements of laissez-faire parenting style when Infants are compelled to start toilet training at 6 months of age, or when toddlers are expected to prepare their own meals or, allowed to use public toilet without supervision.

The downside to the laissez-faire approach is under-parenting. Children who are left to venture out on their own at a very early age may learn the wrong ways of doing things. Bad behaviors ingrained in childhood may be hard to shake.

The effects of technology on family dynamics is mixed. On one side, because of availability of communication gadgets, members of a family can stay close even when they are physically apart. On the flip side, members of family have begun to be submerged in their own technology world, to the extent that they lose the emotional closeness that once existed within a family.

Strike a balance in your parenting skills

• Introduce your standard early. Child rearing starts early. When one establishes a feeding time, or a nursing time or a sleeping time, that is part of parenting. The child's growing brain is taking all that in, and expects continuation of the same pattern.
• Striking the right tone and balance is the way to go. At a certain point in a child's life, caregivers must let go, so that child can try learned experience and behaviors.
• Do not be rigid in your styles. Flexibility allows the child to experience alternative ways of doing things. Direct experience imparts a stronger impression on children's psyche.
• Each child learns and follows directions differently. Recognize that and adapt to each child's need.
• Give some leeway, but be there when needed. Children want the assurance that parents or other caregivers will be there for them when the need arises.
• Use incentive to your advantage. Be congratulatory when a child shows expected behavior. Everybody repeats behavior that attracts rewards and praise.
• Be reasonable. Development and maturity is biological. Do not push your children beyond what they are biological able to do. It creates frustration and resentment.
• The worst part of parenting is to give a child everything they ask for, and never willing to demand anything in return.

In conclusion

Parental supervision is invaluable in the sense that an experienced child caregiver knows what worked and what didn't work and can inculcate that wisdom into their children.

He is the Author of a new book: Automated Man, Thought Inheritance, And the Cycle of Existence. Check it out at: http://universetheorybook.com/

Effective Parenting Guide: How To Prepare Your Child For Private Tutoring

By Stuart J Adams

Once you find the right tutor, it is very important to prepare your son or daughter to be in the right frame of mind so that they can get the best out of their tuition. After all, if you're going to go to the effort to make sure you've found the right tutor for them, you might as well take a few simple steps to ensure that they are ready to get the best results that they can.

There is no complicated procedure in place here; it basically comes down to making sure you speak about the idea of getting a tutor in a positive light, as though it were a reward or a special privilege. The first thing to be aware of is to make sure that you only ever speak to your child about the idea of tuition when they are in a positive state of mind. When you can see that they are already in a confident state, then is the best time to discuss the idea to get a great tutor.

Some questions you might try asking to 'warm them up' to the idea might include asking them about which teachers at school they like and don't like. When introducing the idea of a tutor, discuss the idea in a way so that it feels like a special privilege or reward, rather than a chore or a punishment. The ideal situation is where you manage to plant a seed of thought into your son or daughters mind about the excitement of having their own personal helper. If done in the right positive light, your child may even ask you or indicate that they want their own tutor. If the child feels that it is even partly their idea, then they are almost always going to have a much more positive response, and approach tuition with excitement rather than intimidation.

WHAT YOU CAN DO DO DURING THE LESSONS

Irrespective of your son or daughters expectations about meeting their new tutor for the first time, it is important that they see the experience as one that fosters encouragement, hope and excitement. It is common that even parents might feel a bit nervous about meeting a new tutor. It is important however that your child see you demonstrating a positive attitude both about your new tutor as well as to your new tutor.

To start off with, there are likely going to be lots of concerns that you'd like to discuss with the tutor. Please make sure that any 'problems' or anything at all that your child might feel insecure about are not discussed in front of them. You can always contact your tutor by phone or email to talk about these issues when your son or daughter is not present. We find that one of the most encouraging things is that when parents talk about something with the tutor that their child is proud of, whilst conversing in front of them. Even if it's not necessarily related to the areas the tutor will be covering, it is an important part of the process of getting your child to feel comfortable enough with their new tutor to 'open up' and get the most out of their tuition sessions.

WHAT YOU CAN DO AFTER THE LESSONS

It is important that the student feel a sense of 'control' over their situation, and that it is 'their tutor' not their parents tutor. As mentioned before, to get the best results, it is important to wait until your son or daughter is in a good mood before discussing anything about their tutor. When you find that they are in a positive state, it is best to ask questions about their tuition that are positively worded, or even open ended, so that they retain a sense of empowerment about the topic they are speaking about.

Examples of positively worded questions may be "so how good is it having your own tutor?" "What do you like best about your tutor?" and "What parts are starting to seem a bit easier now?" If your child seems a bit hesitant about how to respond, many parents report that using open-ended questions can be helpful so that they still feel a sense of empowerment, whereas close -ended questions can make them feel "backed into a corner."

HOW LONG WILL IT TAKE TO SEE RESULTS?

The answer to this question depends on what you're looking for. Imagine a person throws a handful of seeds in the soil with the intention of growing a tree. A short while later, one of the seeds have germinated and has started to grow into a shrub. The person looking on however does not see the tree they were expecting, and as a result abandoned their efforts before the tree had the chance to fully grow.

If your student has been struggling with a particular subject area, whether it be literacy, numeracy or even both; it's important you know how to judge whether or not 'it's working' by knowing what the signs of short term improvements are and what the signs of long term improvements are.

The first signs of improvement will generally take at least 4-8 lessons, and will manifest as a slight change in your child's attitude. The biggest hurdle to improving their skills is to first improve their confidence towards doing the things they previously believed they were no good at. Remember that it probably took many months or even years to establish the problematic mindset. If you start to see even small improvements in the way your child feels towards their schoolwork in as little as 4 -8 hours worth of tutoring, you can rest assure they are on the right track.

If you're not sure, the easiest way to tell is to pick up on subtle clues, such as their facial expressions and the tone in their voice when they are speaking about the subject. Most parents whose children go on to turn their weakness into their strengths, generally report that after the first 1-2 months, their children's attitude has gone from "I really don't like this" to at least "I'm not too keen on it but I'm not so bothered by it anymore." Then about 6 months down the track, their attitude is likely to evolve into "actually I don't mind this at all anymore" whilst the 12 month mark is likely to result in a greater expression of certainty. By the time a year is up, the student may or may not like the subject that was previously their Achilles heel, but at least the uncertainty they had about it previously will have worn away, to develop into, at very least, a comfortable understanding.

Whether or not your child is 'connecting' with their tutor is another important thing to ensure too. The best way to judge this is to see how your child appears in the hour or two leading up to the tutor's arrival. For the first few weeks, you might detect a bit of anxiety, however this may be because they are worries that they will 'disappoint' their new role model. The best way to tell if their tutor is not having much impact is when your child simply doesn't seem to care less about whether the tutor shows up or not. Any signs of anticipation, whether they be mild signs of excitement or even nervous signs of wanting to impress, are all an indication that your child is at least 'looking forward' to their arrival. If they look forward to their tutoring, they are more likely to be 'open' during the lesson, take more in and be motivated to want to get more out of it.

see the Top of the Class Tutoring Sydney website.

Effective Parenting: Getting Help For Bullying Starts With Discovering The Key Bullying Clues From Your Children

As parents do you want to uncover specific bullying-related behavior that your child may be involved in or observe in others?

As a parent do you want to know how to address bullying?

Do you want to help your child stop or prevent bullying?
If your answer is YES...then this post is for YOU! Join Dr. Joel Haber

Read and enjoy!

By Joel Haber, Ph. D

The following questions are designed to help parents uncover specific bullying-related behavior that their children may be involved in or observe in others. By asking behavior-specific questions designed around the places where your child may be bullied, you can find out the information you need to effectively counter that bullying. You can tailor these questions to your specific situation. Good questions address specific behavior and are not open-ended.

Try to think about the information you want to obtain. Maybe it is a general set of questions about how each part of your child's social life is going. Let's take a school example. Begin addressing the first part of the day when children go to school. If your child goes to school on a bus, you would begin by addressing the specifics on the school bus. If there is a bus ride, it's essential to ask about it because bullying happens when supervision is lean and supervision may be absent on the bus. If the child walks to school, you'll want to find out if anyone greets her or if she ever takes a different path to avoid anyone.

Think about those places where your child may be with less supervision and ask questions about those areas: recess (playing a game or sports), lunch, bus, hallway, locker room, bathroom, in line, walking to and from school, or waiting for pickup. By thinking about those places where your child may be away from supervision, you can begin to think how to specifically address those areas. These may be better questions to ask your child to get specific answers and information that may alert you to a problem:

• Who do you talk to on the bus?
• Do you sit with the same children every day?
• Has this child ever sat with someone else?
• Who did you sit with that day?
• Have you ever sat alone?
• What would you do if that child were out sick, or who would you sit with if you had to find another child?
• Does anyone ever get picked on, called names, or teased during the bus ride?
• Does this ever happen to you?
• Do you ever do this to someone else?
• Does anyone ever get knocked out of his seat on the bus?
• Has this ever happened to you?
• Do kids act like there are assigned seats and has anyone ever challenged that?
• Has anyone ever been mad at you for sitting in his or her seat?
• What did that person do to you?
• Who do you eat lunch with every day?
• Does it ever happen that your group isn't there, and if so, who would you join for lunch?
• Do you have someone to play with during recess?
• Who did you play with at recess today?
• Do you notice if anyone is being teased, picked on, or left out at lunch or recess?
• Does anyone ever get left out of a game at recess? Or not have the ball passed to
• him on purpose?
• Does this ever happen to you?
• Who would you tell if it did happen to you? If the child reveals that incidents like this
• do happen to him...
• Do your friends know?
• Have you ever asked them to help you?
• Have you spoken to anyone in school about this?
• What adults do you feel safe with in school?
• What kids do you feel safe with in school?
• Has anyone who has seen this reported it to an adult?
• Does your school have any way that you can report this without feeling like it will make things worse?

The early questions about who he sits with on the bus, who he plays with at recess, etc., are meant to check whether your child has friends around in the places where bullying thrives. A child who has friends has a buffer. If the child is being bullied despite having friends around, these friends may need help understanding how to help.

Asking whether your child has ever witnessed bullying may be easier for your child to answer than if you begin by asking if she's ever been a target. Once she's talking about the subject and has seen that your reaction is compassionate rather than judgmental, she may feel less embarrassed to tell you about her own experiences. The third set of questions establishes how comfortable your child and her peers feel about seeking help from others.

You may discover that she's already told a teacher, or that she didn't know she should. You may discover that she would rather eat mud than "tattle." Your objective during this stage is not to lecture your child or convince her of what she should do, but merely to gather information. Your child may talk freely about some questions and not others.

Be sure to watch your child's facial expressions, tone, and change of emotion when you ask specific questions. Avoidance of some questions or hesitation when answering can alert you to a possible problem. You don't want to bully your child to answer what she doesn't feel comfortable answering, but please take note, and refer back to any question or response that seemed to make your child uncomfortable. It is only

Get Help for Bullying from Dr. Joel Haber: Bullying Expert, Counselor, Speaker and Author

Dr. Joel Haber is a Clinical Psychologist and nationally recognized parenting expert who has dedicated more that 20 years to the prevention of abusive behaviors in children and adults.He is a sought after speaker on the topic of bullying and bullying behavior. And works with families of bullying victims and those who actually do the bullying.